This Just In: Dabs Joins PtP

In case you hadn’t heard, Pixels to Polys just got one man sexier.  We hired an intern.  

Welcome Dabs.

The pay is low, but it is fantastic experience, and I will give you a fantastic recommendation when your time is done here.

Now I know what some of you are thinking... “Wait a minute.  Dabs is an intern?  But he is the most qualified one out of all of you.  He has a degree in journalism, studied English in the honors college, and has more writing experience than the rest of you combined!”

To you people I say... “Ya, so what?  Dabs, go get me a cafe latte, extra foam, hold the attitude.”

I’ve known Dabs long enough to know that he’d just as soon stab you in the back as he would shake your hand.  So why did we hire him on?

His career defining moment is also the moment that solidified his destiny as a future Pixels to Polys editor.

At the University of Maine, Dabs had the balls to write an editorial for the campus paper blasting the deaf communities resistance to cochlear implants (a device that gives a deaf person some semblance of hearing) on newborn deaf children.

Their (editors note: retarded) defense was that it deprives the deaf community, and doesn’t give the deaf child the option to choose deafness.

If they won that argument, they’d likely fight for the rights of babies with broken bones to remain untouched until they are of an age of consent where they may choose to belong to the broken bone community, or get the friggin’ problem fixed.

Either way, Dabs really gave those deafs a written beatdown, and even added in a few cheap shots to twist the knife (classic Pixels to Polys move).

His comments didn’t fall on deaf ears, or rather they did.  The deaf community bound together, united in their hatred for this brash young journalist and his annoying use of logic and well-supported points.  They even formed message boards, and organized protests.  Eventually it was clear that war was inevitable.

Dabs gathered up group of some of his closest friends, of which I was honored to be apart of.  We mobilized our troops and launched a surprise attack on the deaf people’s hidden lair.  Suffice to say, they never heard us coming, and we killed many of them before they were even aware they were under attack.  

We did some things that night that I’m not proud of... some things that can’t be unremembered.  Dabs reasserted his dominance over the deaf community by shearing the ears off of several fallen enemies and making a necklace which he wore several times on campus.

That’s when I knew this kid was for real, and would one day be able to write incredibly offensive articles for our irreverent blogsite.

(that story was mostly true)

So we at Pixels to Polys welcome Dabs to the site.  Keep reading knuckleheads.

-Anthony