Like any self-respecting man, I am completely incapable of taking care of myself in any other way than making money. I shrink my laundry, don’t cook anything more advanced than a toasted PB and Fluff sandwich, and haven’t ever purchased-let alone pushed a broom.
As a product of my ineptitudes in the kitchen, cereal has become more than a delicious breakfast treat. It can be breakfast, lunch, dinner, or any of the snacks in between. This has given me a tremendous amount of knowledge on the subject, the sort of knowledge that would take the average person several lifetimes to amass.
All of these cereals are best experienced in a large bowl, with a spoon the size of the palm of your hand, and 1% Oakhurst milk chilled to the point right before you start to get little frozen ice chunks in it.
1. Frosted Mini Wheats - The greatest cereal made by humans also stands as the greatest example of the delicate balance inherent in the act of eating cereal. Before milk it is a dangerous mouth-shredding tool of the devil. Wait a moment too long and they become a sloppy mess that you wouldn’t even feed to someone trying to force you to play the Resident Evil 5 demo. Of course, anyone worth his/her salt in cereal eating knows the importance of cycling the wheats with your spoon to keep the bottom layer from getting soggy. FMW stands as breakfast treat king.
2. Fruity Pebbles - Perhaps the greatest aspect of this cereal, aside from it’s heavenly taste and aroma, is the tiny size of each individual pebble. It allows you to densely pack each bowl with deliciousness. It all makes for a tremendous bang for your bowlful. The fact that you get tasty fruity burps for the rest of the day only serves to strengthen this cereals spot on the charts.
3. Clusters - I don’t know what a cluster is made of, and I don’t care to find out. The only way this cereal could be better is if they skipped the flakes and just made it all tastey mysterious clusters.
4. Oreo O’s - The desert of cereals. This is the bowl you have after you have just had some Frosted Mini Wheats for supper.
5. Raisin Bran - This one makes the cut on sheer resiliency. It is the only cereal that I have encountered that is equally good--nay, better--once it gets soggy. It’s unreal. Say you are eating some Raisin Bran and notice that you are going to be late for work. Any other cereal and you say, “Screw it, I’m going to call in and quit so I can finish these Pebbles.” With Raisin Bran, you just leave your bowl where it is, and finish them when you get home... and you get to keep your job. Thanks Raisin Bran!
As far as #3 is concerned: http://www.iluvcereal.com/images/Cereal/Honey-Bunches-Of-Oats-Just-Bunches.jpg
ReplyDeleteYour welcome.
...ok, your number 1 pick is flawless, it really speaks of the nature of cereal, a delicate balance, also impressed that Rice Crispies didnt get added, they friggin suck
ReplyDeleteThe only cool thing about the crispies was that my grandmother used to let me add sugar on top of them... in an attempt to make them edible I would slowly turn the bowl of milk into a gelatinous sugar-milk mix that was quite delightful. But the crispies themselves are like someone took fruity pebbles and removed all the flavor, joy, and cool Flinstones branding from it.
ReplyDelete