A Rant on the Critics of Linear Gameplay

Just throwing this out there, the abundance of game reviews that bemoan "linear gameplay" has reached a critical mass and needs to be stopped. It’s a cancer.

I don't know when this trend started to take hold, but it’s awful. Somehow I managed to wake up in a shitty version of OZ where people are short…and weird...and its sin for games to be straight foreword from beginning to end. Back in Kansas I used to enjoy games like Mario and Castlevania; both were linear and superb. Here, game critics feel the need to put sandbox games on a pedestal and champion their superiority. I want to drop a house on them…

Just because a game has 15 endings, 235 side quests, and a fully expansive world doesn’t make it good; in fact, it oftentimes makes it tedious and burdensome. When I have time to play a game, I don't necessarily feel the need mimic the monotony of my daily life. Just because I can fully explore a world doesn't mean I want to. Sorry linear-gameplay-haters, but I have better things to do than spend my day backtracking, straining my eyes on a convoluted map, and trying to figure out where the hell to go.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good open ended sandbox style game. When done right, non-linear games can be hugely immersive and incredibly enjoyable: but let’s get real: not every game can or should have multiple paths and be fully explorable. Mario does not equal Fable II (thank God!).

I want to be the first to say that no game should be criticized for being linear, nor should it be praised for be non-linear. Its overarching structure should matter little compared to more important characteristics such as control, style, sound, difficulty, etc and so forth. If you're going to whine about something being linear, you might want to disregard the first 15 years of gaming and remain ignorant.

In the end, critics of linear gameplay can best be compared to the typical bubble headed floozy at parties that rambles on using the word "like" fifteen times a sentence: her opinion doesn’t matter because she is both drunk and stupid. In this case however, the floozy has the benefit of having a nice rack; the reviewer does not and should be promptly told to silently sit in the corner.

-Matt