Hall of Fame: Week 15

It's getting into full summertime mode here at the PtP offices. So what better way to start another amazing summer weekend than with a little HoF PtP? It's times like these that we prefer to crack open a few cold ones, while Anthony sips on his spritzer, and just enjoy the fruits of our past media consumption.

This week Matt pays homage to the king of fighting games and makes me want to get back into the old arcade, Dabs gives us a show that really probably represents the PtP crowd far too well and unfortunately was canceled far too soon. Anthony gives us an throwback to a true zombie flick where you don't have to worry about them running like cheetahs and leaping like monkeys; but damn don't you learn something about humanity. As for myself I explore a band that really reached its potential after it dumped some of its trash. Enjoy.

-Pat

The Game: Street Fighter II

Want to know if someone is a true gamer or not, ask them what is the greatest fighting game of all time…if they give you any other answer than Street Fighter II, their opinion is to be discarded and from then on they are to be considered a gaming novice. One can spend hours debating the best FPS, platformer, shmup, etc. as these are open to opinion. But in the world of fighters, it is impossible, yes impossible, for anyone to logically dispute Street Fighter II as the greatest fighting game of all time.

Question: Why go to the arcade when home consoles offer amazing titles for a one time fee? Answer: Because some arrogant shithead is at the arcade and thinks he can demoralize you in front of your friends using Blanca (Ken all the way baby!). Street Fighter II was amazing in that it was one of the few games responsible for revitalizing the arcade industry…once again lines were trailing out of your favorite arcade…enter the hardcore gamer. Sure one could take on the computer, but the real pride came from defeating your peers. SFII wasn’t the first fighting game…but it was the first to do it well, introducing several features that have become important staples of the fighting genre (multiple characters, different move lists, combos, refined one on one gameplay). Unlike any game before it, Street Fighter II promoted a player driven culture that has forever changed the world of gaming. Forget Doom WADS, forget downloadable map packs, forget Little Big Planet, Street Fighter II was one of the first games where players were responsible for game content. Instead of squashing pirating, Capcom legitimized it by adopting features of pirated SFII arcades in future updates (Championship Edition, Hyper Fighting, Super Street Fighter II).

Putting the historical importance of this game aside, Street Fighter II is as fun today as it ever was...anyone can take a shot at this fighter and enjoy it…its timeless. Released eighteen years ago, the game visually impressive; the characters still appear varied and unique, the backgrounds are still bright and colorful. In one fell swoop Capcom made Walt Disney look like a talentless hobo. Today the franchise shows no signs of slowing; Street Fighter IV, released recently has been met with great praise (…and is a blatant nod to SFII). Although we have been blessed with great franchises such as Tekken, Soul Calibur, Virtua Fighter, Mortal Kombat, and countless others, it is important to revere the king…long live Street Fighter II.

-Matt


The Show: Freaks and Geeks

How come all great TV shows are canceled prematurely? Oh, because America is stupid, I forgot.
Freaks and Greeks was a great come-drama based in 1980 that introduced some of the top names in current comedy and film: Seth Rogen, James Franco, and Jason Segel. The concept was great, two groups of friends living the real eighties of awkwardness, being dumped, ditched and doped up.
The Freaks were older, dealing with relationships and pot and the absolute shittiness that is high school. They skip class to smoke a bowl, party late night, and overall do the things I should have done in high school more often. The comedy was amazing, subtle and insulting in true PtP fashion. But even as they bitch about their dead end town and how their band should take it to the next level (and not just cover Rush), they seem to take for granted the fact that they all have each other's backs.

This element is found with the Geeks as well. Needless to say I could relate with these guys a lot. Pushed around, beat up, and completely overlooked by the female species (at least they were pursuing girls though, that is where Anthony went wrong. But at least he has Mulligan to massage him to sleep at night.) Classic moment is when lanky,coke-bottle-eye-glasses-wearing Bill drinks a bunch of beer from a keg and is rolling around on the floor. Or when he makes out with a chick. Basically everything Bill does is hilarious, including breathing.

The show reminded me of a Wonder Years for a new generation and sans the narration. There was no wise voice speaking in the background forcing the theme down your throat, it was hilariously acted out in front of you.

The show lasted a mere 18 episodes. A shame and failure for American television as we know it.
So I'm pumped to hear some Lincoln hatred on this one, bitches.

-Dabs


The Movie: Dawn of the Dead

31 years ago George A. Romero released the follow-up to Night of the Living Dead. Dawn, while not an actual sequel, was a spiritual predecessor, thematically carrying the torch of the original. This time Romero used the film’s setting, an abandoned shopping mall, to take aim on American consumer culture, as zombies wander from store to store without really distinguishing themselves much from their living counterparts that used to frequent its stores. Like any zombie film worth its salt the symbolism is there, and like any good zombie film it’s about as subtle as an axe to the head. Like the director’s original film, the movie is less about the zombies than the people trying to survive them. The survivors find refuge in the mall, and use barricades to isolate themselves from the walking dead. Romero is making the same point here as he was in the original: the living dead aren’t the biggest threat to humanity here... humanity is the biggest threat to itself. The 2003 remake of the film was well-made, but while it added faster zombies and zombie-babies it neglected the ironic humor and social satire. I prefer the latter, even though Zombie-Baby was undeniably cool. It all ends the only way that a zombie apocalypse can end... hint: It doesn’t end well.

-Anthony


The Album: One Day Remains by Alter Bridge

The formation of this band possibly was one of the greatest things that I got to follow with such amazing enjoyment words can’t even describe how it still makes me laugh at Scott Stapp. The birth of this band came from the gutted remains of what was Creed, and while that band was alright Alter Bridge took the best elements, being Mark Tremonti, Scott Philips and Brian Marshall, and left the suck that was Scott Stapp for the greatly talented Myles Kennedy.

First a little Scott Stapp disclaimer… If there is one band member above all else that I loathe it is this self serving prick. Never mind the fact that man literally licks Sanford’s nuts to increase his solo album sales, but his utter lack of talent and disrespect for his former band, music and the fans is to this day the epitome of what is a “tool”.

Back to the HoF… Alter Bridge did not disappoint with their debut album. There is literally not a bad track on it. The vocals are a far cry from the heavy grunge that Creed was known for in its early albums but rather this was more alternative with a lead singer who not only could actually sing correct notes and match chords, but also had a range that was just sick to listen to.

One Day Remains contains both fast/get up type music as well as some moderate contemplative tunes, I wouldn’t dare to call them slow, even “In Loving Memory” picks up the count shortly into the track but the message isn’t lost with it.
Bottom line was that Creed died creating the phoenix that is Alter Bridge and really nothing was lost, the only things were gains with Kennedy; a singer who these band members truly deserved, and the new sound/voice that really is enjoyable to listen to.

-Pat

Stream This: Auto-Tune the News

Sometimes you just come across something that has been out there for a while, but is just too good to pass up. There are currently four of these out, but being a Ron Paul fan this is def my fav. (although the newest one #4 is sick too)

-Pat

Babymaking Nation Vol. 6

In = puts you closer to impregnating women
Out = distances you from spreading your seed

It’s B-Nation Volume Six, Reeeeemiiiiiiix.

In

Not Blogging - I’ve been practicing this one for the last 2-4 weeks. Hey, you’d think that starting and writing a sick blog like Pixels to Polys would make women grow off your dick then hop back on it, but this is not the case. I stopped blogging nearly a month ago and have been swimming in vaginas ever since (metaphorically speaking of course). Frankly, I’m going to start blogging again because I’ve got to work to pay all the child support. Babies gotta eat.

Desmond Hatchett - With 21 kids with (at least) 11 different mothers at the age of 29 this dude is like the Winston Churchill of babymaking. Seriously, I’m tempted to rename this segment Desmond Hatchett Nation unless one person can give me a good reason not to---and no, the fact that he is screwing over the 11 mothers with tiny child support checks doesn’t count as a good reason. Don’t be mad at dude for finding a loop-hole in the system. Man is a genius and a legend. (See below video, credit to Barstool)


Out

Periods - I’m not talking about the things at the end of a sentence. These terrible time-frames in the unfortunate males lives are when he has to deal with some serious attitude. I’m no doctor, but by my estimation a woman’s body can produce 3-9 gallons of blood from her private area during what seems like 2-3 months, but is probably just a few days. What’s worse, if you manage to, a-hem, brave the storm and throw some loving in your lady, you still can’t make a kid... take my word on that one. Some terrible things can’t be unremembered.

Magic the Gathering - I have been in the vicinity of many Magic the Gathering card games, and never once, has anyone even approached 1st base with an actual girl within a 15-mile-radius of said games. Trust me fellows, if you go to a Magic “Party,” mana is the only thing that is gonna get tapped, if you follow my meaning. Fact: if you tape a Black Lotus card to your ball sack, then go to bed, you will wake up a eunuch.

You’re welcome guys. The king has returned.

-Anthony

Places to go during a Zombie Apocalypse: My House

So hopefully we all start adding these.
Now, my house is obviously not the top choice here. I have just been here for the past few days and have really gotten to think about how it would make a good place to survive the zombie apocalypse. Trying to be realistic, I would probably already be at my house when the zeds start attacking.

1.) It's two stories. The top story can be completely cut off from the first, thus stopping any zombies from entering the top strong hold. However, a better way to secure the central home complex would be to control the top and bottom, as the bottom is half underground and can be easily defended with a little planning.

2.) There are multiple buildings- house, garage, barn - that can be used as storage or living space if necessary.

3.) A generator that can power the house is already hooked up as a back up if the power goes out, and already has gas reserves. It is like my dad is also planning for the apocalypse, no?

4.) We have a garden area already planted and drawn out that can be easily reseeded and yield crops every year. Also have all necessary gardening tools.

5.) Truck, four wheeler and an SUV make some good vehicles to have.

6.) Two ponds provide food in the form of trout and a plentiful, spring fed water supply.

7.) It is set back from the road in a relatively remote area surrounded by forest. There is a bog to one side and forest all around. This would make it easy to put a makeshift fencing system (nailing posts horizontally from tree to tree).

8.) Has two wood stoves and plenty of wood around for keeping warm in the winter.

9.) Has porch with removable windows for sniping.

10.) Motion sensor lights.

11.) Guns.

12.) There are more than enough tools to fix most car, plumbing and electrical problems. Also an air compressor which can be used for several different things.

Obviously there are downsides to this. Though I am rather isolated, there is still a town of 20,000 nearby. However with proper early fortification and team work I think the house could be easily defended and provide sustenance for quite some time.

-Dabs

Hall of Fame : Week 14

The PtP Hall of Fames haven’t exactly been punctual lately…except this one. Before we get to inducting this weeks indisputable picks, (seriously, argue these picks and I’ll be at your house issuing out curb stompings) I want to say congrats to our writers…we had this puppy written by Tuesday…a new record! At any rate, this week Pat prepares for an isometrically viewed war between the Terrans, the Protoss, and the Zerg, only to find out what happens when he can’t afford to produce more units 'cause he ran out of resources; Dabs tears up as he says goodbye to Optimus Prime and Megatron, but finds some comfort in the voices of Leonard Nemoy and the guy from Unsolved Mysteries; Anthony says fuck books and inducts our first TV show, complete with questioning incest, banana stand economics, the importance of segways, and the hilarity of model homes; lastly I ramble on to no end about my favorite album of all time…it’s a good week.

Game: StarCraft

It wasn’t the first real-time strategy game. In fact the parent company of StarCraft released two versions of another popular RTS (WarCraft) before this masterpiece hit the shelves. This game continues to be, even 12 years after it was released (that’s right twelve), one of the most actively played strategy games.

Blizzard has always made creating a top notch game their number one priority. To hell with deadlines or when marketing says the title has to launch; if Blizzard says it’s not ready yet… better sit yourself down and find something else to occupy yourself for the next two years, at a minimum. This requirement for perfection in their games however has created titles that have never disappointed in any aspect of the game, be it the gameplay itself, the cinematics, or the storyline. Each element seems to flow with an artistry and a passion that is unparalleled in the video game industry.

StarCraft’s strength is in its balance. A game comprised of three races battling each other would be just another game with the fatal flaw that there is one specific way to win if you do this list or follow this formula, then you can’t lose. That doesn’t work with StarCraft. You think you can rush someone with a bunch or zerglings and BAM you get F’d by some SCV or worse some Zealot. The tables turn and now you have to go on the defensive. There is no clear cut way to victory in the multiplayer arena though there are definitely strategies that will work much better than others. That is the brilliance of the game, in that it doesn’t matter what you play as or who you face whatever the situation there is a method or a strategy to counter each the other players moves. That is a rare quality in games today.

The single player campaign is also very well put together with a storyline that is enjoyable to follow. Forcing the player to use each race throughout the game creates a certain attachment to each race and gives you an exposure that no doubt will be useful in the coming multitude of multiplayer experiences.

StarCraft is ultimately still the champion in real-time strategy gaming. While there be many vying for the throne I don’t think we will see that happen until Blizzard finally decides to unleash the sequel to this masterpiece.

-Pat

The Movie: Transformers The Movie (1986)

Back before Michael Bay and Stephen Spielberg got their hands on the Hasbro goldmine, their was the true battle between the Autobots and Decepticons.
It is because of this movie that I watched the new movie, anticipating seeing my favorite robots in disguise recreated in digital beauty. The new movie was good, but without this classic it is nothing. The stellar cast of Prime, Megatron, Starscream, Soundwave, Ultra Magnus, Hot Rod...the list goes on...is enough to make a grown man drool. This was a true battle between good, evil and even more evil (Orson Welles amazingly voiced Unicron).
Watching this movie recently with a friend we found ourselves amazed at the attention to detail in the animation. Sure it isn't Wall-E, but it blows most modern cartoons out of the water and doesn't feel forced.
And the story is amazing. Prime overcomes his arch-nemesis, Megatron, but dies in the process, and Unicron threatens to eat all planets. All in a couple hours. How cool is that? Damn cool, that's how cool it is.
The movie is a cultural icon. To try and explain it any further would just be reinventing the wheel.
We watch Bay's Transformers looking for references to the original (the transforming sound, "more than meets the eye") or at least those of us that are geeky enough to sing the song "you got the touch....you got the powwwerr" in the shower.
So honestly, have some 80's pride. If you haven't seen this crawl out of your hermit hole and watch it. The only risk you run is you'll like it more than the new films.

-Dabs

The Television Show: Arrested Development

Ya, that’s right, we watch some TV at PtP. I’ve made a huge mistake in not inducting this sooner. Fox’s cure for the stale, laugh-tracked, studio audienced sit-com lasted three progressively shorter seasons. The show racked up the awards, but it was not clear if anyone was watching besides the critics. The show is about the dysfunctional Bluth family, a stalwart in the pre-fab home industry, as they try to stay afloat as their father and CEO of the company is imprisoned for various crimes that seem to pile up as the seasons rolled on. The show’s strength was it’s self referential comedy, and layered humor that became increasingly hilarious after repeated viewings. The cast was fantastic, with Jason Bateman’s Michael Bluth at the heart of the show. The standouts were certainly the nervous George Michael (Michael Cera, perfecting his stuttering-shy comedy brilliance), the impossibly self-important G.O.B. (Will Arnett), and the impossibly, um, gay Tobias (David Cross). There are countless moments to mention that combined to make this one of the greatest TV series I’ve ever seen, but this is a show to be seen in it’s entirety. Although a shortened final season after cancellation forced the final episodes to rush to a conclusion, the story arc works fantastically and seemed to be planned in it’s entirety from the show’s inception. Do yourself a favor and watch this show. All of it.

-Anthony

The Album: Tommy by The Who

(I placed the album induction at the bottom this week, because to do it justice, it needed to be a long write up…my induction next week will be shorter, I promise)

For me, the truly memorable albums are the ones that are almost a rite of passage; the ones that take several play-throughs to fully enjoy…the ones that demand you claw through lyrics…the ones that make you question what the band was going through at the time…the ones require your full attention to understand it. I want an album to be more than ambient background noise on long drives, it needs to be something complex that I can dive into; layers upon layers of sound coupled with poignant lyrics. I have a handful of albums that fit these criteria...undoubtedly Tommy is one of them.

Released in 1969, the landmark concept album was the first in existence to be dubbed a rock opera. While concept albums have the difficult task of revolving around a particular theme or sound (Sgt. Pepper or Dark Side of the Moon for example), rock operas are far more complex in that they need to relay a story…easier said than done. Without question the inception of rock operas have led to the most pretentious, overblown albums in history; most aren’t even worth the plastic their packaged in. What all rock operas have in common, even the bad ones, is that they look to Tommy for inspiration, an unattainable meter that has never been matched…and never will.

Gargantuan in scope, the double album Tommy marked a departure from The Who’s early sound; whereas previous albums used distortion and screams to convey their proto-punk angst, Tommy is musically more laid back, allowing the story Tommy Walker to serve as a vehicle for their aggression. If previous albums were an attack on society (My Generation for example) than Tommy was their gentle silence before a nuclear Armageddon, nothing was safe…nothing. Despite sounding fairly upbeat, the album is incredibly dark. Benign compared to today’s music, Tommy was so controversial at the time that it was banned by the several US radio stations as well the BBC.

Tommy revolves around the story of a young boy, who after witnessing a violent feud between his mother's lover and his long lost father, experiences a psychological breakdown stripping him of his ability to speak, hear, and see. Throughout the album, Tommy’s family pursues various attempts to restore his senses, and all the while the boy is subject to various ills of society: radical evangelicalism, drug experimentation, torture, and molestation. In the end, through Pinball, Tommy regains his senses and embarks on a messiah-like journey.

I cannot stress enough how brilliant this album is. Standout tracks have always been Amazing Journey, Pinball Wizard, I’m Free, and We’re Not Gonna Take It, but in all actually, the greatness of these individual songs is lost when listened to out of context. Tommy is in my opinion The Who’s swansong; an album that stands toe to toe with Sgt Pepper and Pet Sounds as one of the most influential in rock music. It needs to be listened to from start to finish…it needs several playthoughs…it needs to be accompanied with a lyric sheet…it needed to be inducted…my work here is done.

-Matt

Review: UP

Pixar has created a reputation for itself of excellence in the animated film business. I don’t think there has been one un-successful or critically scorned production of theirs yet. When I first saw the previews for "UP" I was like, “Great! A new Pixar flick!” but the previews really just made me wonder if it was going to be silent like WALL-E (which is another great Pixar flick) or a little more dialogue. Not that I didn’t love all the humor WALL-E provided but a little convo never hurt. “Up” was above and beyond my expectations. It really was an amazing movie and by far the most emotional and humorous addition to Pixar’s catalog to date.

Pixar has always been able to throw together little pieces that make you want to “Awww” once in a while. Maybe a small jest here or there with a little humor that has the un-canny ability to affect both child and adult audiences alike. This movie took that the studio to a new level and you really will understand that within the first 15 minutes. It really is flawless. The characters, animation, rendering and storytelling really just tugs at your childhood fantasies and your heartstrings at the same time. The story just flows with an art form that it seems to have been lost over the years in film-making industry. It’s a craft that Pixar has really come to represent the apex of; and they once again raised the bar.

The story takes the viewer on a ride of the imagination that appeals to our most basic and often times our most guilty pleasures. It’s a story about childhood dreams and adventures; and promises to always keep adventuring, and while sometimes we might not always end up being on the adventure we thought we were striving for, but realizing that we are on one nonetheless. The film really just grabs you right by your childhood, that deep down you know never really left you and says, “Hey! Ditch the button up shirt we’re headed to the tree house. Oh yea, bring your Super Soaker while you’re at it.”

“UP” is by far the funniest of the Pixar animations to date. Throw in that it has the most heart of most any film you will find, let alone Pixar animations, and you have a movie that is not only ridiculously fun to watch but makes you hope the adventure will never end. I cannot say enough about it, it really is good and will tug at your heartstrings and play you like a fiddle for a time, but show that it’s ok to see the world the as a child would; and really enjoy the adventure that you’re on.

On a small aside the Pixar Short that they do before every new movie is just amazing. Bring something to wipe a tear away for at least one point cause if it’s not in the movie due to all the heartfelt moments and comedy it will be because you won’t be able to stop laughing during this perfectly orchestrated digital short. Enjoy.

-Pat

Stream This: Gloucestershire Cheese Rolling 2009

The new official sport of Pixels to Polys is also the most violent activity possible.  It is unclear whether these poor souls gets to eat the cheese if they catch it, because no one ever actually catches the cheese... few even make it to the bottom without breaking their neck.  And what reward to you get if you actually make it to the bottom on your feet, what magnificent award awaits you?  A form tackle from one of the dick-heads on the bottom waiting to inflict pain on the few survivors of the hill run.  I’ve got to say, I love this sport.

Credit to Barstool Sports where I first saw the clip linked.