In the time since our last baby making post Anthony's alimony payments have quadrupled, if you do the math that means that we have to increase our readership sixteen fold to date just to keep his head above water, that is if he ever did really make those alimony payments. Scumbags. How dare those harpies ask for support, you gave em' your seed what else are they gonna take from ya?
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Chick Flicks – Its unfortunate reality that we live in gentlemen that some sacrifices must be made to start the baby makin’ train. While some dude might question your masculinity while you nap through 2 hours of The Notebook; no man will question you once she decides jump you like Rachel McAdams halfway through the flick. It’s a fatal flaw that most women like to think they can pretend they are in storybook love story. Mixed with the appropriate amount of cheesy lines, romantic bedding music, and sometimes alcohol you’ll be pinned on the couch in no time and can avoid the rest of the tear jerker and get down to business.
Note this doesn’t work for every flick and you can’t let it linger or end on any sad note. So stick to proven flicks and avoid like the plague chick flicks that promote empowering women or Gone Like the Wind. Depression or empowerment will only make them want to have you fix their car or care for their feelings; and quite frankly my dear, we don’t give a damn.
Boats – Guys this is one that you really win no matter what, but remember to keep your head in the game. If there is one thing that women love more than fast hot cars it might be fast hot boats, or yachts if that’s in your price range. The combination of water, waves, sun rays, and just overall ecstasy being on a boat drive women wild; plus the fact that every woman wants to say they’ve been done on a boat, it’s a proven fact. It’s a double wammy of money and raw baby making nature on the open sea. Don’t believe me? Just watch T-Pain doin’ a mermaid on that SNL skit, and though some might deny it every guy knows he would bang the shit out of Aerial if they had the chance. Throw in the fact that half of the clothing is already off and if you can’t seal the deal here, god himself is gonna shake his head in pity.
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Romantic Dinners Out- Lets be honest, do you really wanna spend that much or literally anything toward your baby making endeavors than maybe a bus ticket for the girl home? And that’s if you’re feeling generous. These overpriced and often over-hyped necessities of courtship are right out if you’re into serious baby making. For one it ain’t gonna happen out to dinner, sorry fellas the odds are against you. Add in the fact that your wallet is not only gonna be a hell of a lot lighter but that your date isn’t gonna be feeling the baby makin’ mood for at least an hour or two. Do yourself a favor and cook something at home, better yet have her cook it while you grab drinks and then make the move. Women cooking are surprising easy to seduce and the baby making will be second to none. Afterward you can let her finish cooking since you definitely will have worked up an appetite turning out one more baby mama.
Sweat/Natural Body Odor – Seriously take a friggin shower. It doesn’t matter that you just ran a marathon or were in the gym all morning and think that turns girls on. Sure maybe from a distance your sweaty lochs look appealing but within 10 feet the truth is revealed and your not going to get any baby makin’ done like that son. The only time you should be in that condition is after you finish dropping your seed in the gene pool. Clean that shit up and you’ll be bedding them like Wilt Chamberlain, a man with untold illegitimate children we can all look up to.
-Pat
